Complementary and Resonatory Traits in Compatible Relationships

The title of this article may sound complicated, but the basic concept is simple: for relationships to be compatible at a close psychological distance, some traits need to be shared by both partners ("resonatory" traits), while other traits need to complement each other ("complementary" traits).

There has always been a debate about whether "like attracts like" or "opposites attract." The fact that this debate exists at all and has not yet been resolved is evidence that there is significant truth in both statements. Perhaps we can reconcile the two, and in the process clarify which traits are related to socionic type and which are not. First we will analyze some cases.

Case 1
Imagine that you are a highly-educated Protestant from an upper-middle class background. With whom will you have the greatest chances of marital "success" (high rate of satisfaction in relationship, low rate of divorce, etc.)? According to psychological research, with people who are also highly-educated and share your religious beliefs and socioeconomic background. These traits are "resonatory": the greater the similarity between partners, the greater the resonance and harmony in the relationship.

Case 2
Imagine that you are a physically active person who likes to organize sports activities for friends as often as possible. With whom will you have the greatest resonance and harmony in a close relationship? With people who are also physically active and enjoy sports. HOWEVER, the most compatible people will not be those who also like to organize activities for friends; they will be those who like it when others organize activities and invite them. If both partners strive to take the initiative in organizing activities, there will be competition. This trait is "complementary": while partners both enjoy sports and physical activity, one needs to be a leader, and the other a follower (in this specific area).

Case 3
Imagine that you love cooking — mixing new ingredients, trying new recipes, savoring unusual combinations of flavors, etc. — and cooking is a big part of your life. Who might you be most compatible with? A person who sincerely enjoys your cooking and values your creativity in this area, and perhaps even enjoys cooking with you, but who does not strive for leadership in the actual decision-making process involved with cooking. In other words, this person values creativity in cooking (a resonatory trait), but likes for others to lead in this area (a complementary trait).

Summary

From the cases above we can see that personally significant hobbies and pursuits are resonatory traits. These include all interests and pursuits that define a person's lifestyle that a person is proud of and identifies strongly with. The most compatible partners will be those who share such interests or pursuits or at least appreciate them or are willing to go along with them.
Traits that come from one's upbringing and cultural background are also resonatory. However, here we must add a caveat. If someone is proud of and identifies with their upbringing and cultural background (i.e. subconsciously thinks it is "better" than that of others), then it is resonatory. But If someone is not proud of their cultural baggage and does not identify strongly with it, he or she may be most compatible with someone from a somewhat different cultural background. In this case aspects of one's cultural baggage would need to be complemented rather than repeated in one's partner. Most people, however, accept their background and are thus happiest with those of a similar background.
For the greatest compatibility, partners need to naturally strive to take responsibility for decision-making in different areas of life. Leadership should smoothly and painlessly change hands from one partner to the other depending on which aspect of their activities is at the forefront.

Combatibility in socionics

According to socionics, socionic duals are the most compatible types for long-term close relationships due to the nature of their information interchange, which satisfies the unconscious expectations of partners' psyches. Socionic type accounts for the type of compatibility in point 3 above — the tendency to strive to take control over different aspects of activities. Each person wants to have his say and dictate certain conditions to others in certain areas. In other areas people are willing to give in and adapt to others' demands. If partners strive to dictate their rules in the same areas, they will inevitably have conflicts and feel unneeded by the other. By claiming leadership in a certain area, one essentially implies that others must be followers. People of the same socionic type rarely feel like giving up leadership of their favorite areas and forcing themselves to complement the other's behavior.

For duals, however, the process of transferring leadership takes place smoothly and naturally, as long as neither partner is psychologically damaged (I am talking about cases where for some reason a person relentlessly demands leadership in areas they are weak in). This is because duals' zones of leadership complement each other. For example, if both partners are into sports, one will want to take responsibility for ethical aspects and the other for logical aspects. One will want to be the intuitive leader, and the other the sensing leader. This is quite an abstraction, but in practice the pattern is not too hard to recognize.

Intriguingly, the traits and characteristics one is typically most aware of in oneself belong to the first two points listed above — in other words, to resonatory traits. These usually lie near the surface and are most easily visible to oneself and others. Complementary traits, on the other hand, belong to the realm of inborn psychic mechanisms and only become apparent gradually in extended, close interaction with other people.

Socionic type does not describe resonatory aspects of compatibility described above (the first two points) — hobbies and pursuits, culture, and upbringing. Socionic type only describes those traits and behaviors that need to be complementary in order for relationships to be most compatible.

Application in type diagnosis

A common problem in socionics is that inexperienced socionists often type people based on traits that are not complementary in nature — i.e. that belong to the realm of talents, interests, and upbringing. It takes complex interaction with others to bring out a person's information metabolism and to see which areas a person takes leadership of, and which he or she leaves to others.

Self-diagnosis exercise
Think of various traits you have. Of these traits, which would you like your ideal partner to share? Which would need to be different? Try to imagine as vividly as you can a person with the traits you're thinking of. Divide these qualities into "resonatory" and "complementary" traits depending on your conclusions. Sometimes people who don't have much experience with relationships cannot come up with any complementary traits in themselves. If this is the case, try to think of certain behavioral patterns you have that it would be important for your partner to complement, instead of having the same traits.